Friday, September 20, 2013

Riddick - Take my $5 and leave me alone!

It's a big, normal world out there and we nerds need to stick together, support each other.

Despite dire reviews, I determined to support a fellow nerd and paid to watch Riddick.

For those of you who don't know, Vin Diesel has played D&D for years and wrote the forward to "30 Years of Adventure:  A Celebration of Dungeons & Dragons".

Enough history - To the review!

Riddick is betrayed by the Necromongers (remember Chronicles of Riddick?  Yeah, the death cult) and left for dead on a desert planet.  After setting his broken ankles, Riddick sets off across the planet with his pet hyena-dog and finds an abandoned station.  He triggers a beacon which reports he's a dangerous criminal and summons two ships.  One is filled with rag-tag mercenaries; the other with a militarish group of bounty hunters.

The movie quickly descends into a testosterone fest as the mercenaries and bounty hunters jockey for position.  Riddick picks them off and peeps on topless Dahl (Starbuck from BSG) while she bathes.

Real classy, Riddick!
As epic rain begins armless dinosaur creatures with venomous stingers in their tails emerge from their dormant state and attack the station.  Queue the Pitch Black 2 sequences.  Survivors race across monster saturated terrain to retrieve fuel cells so they can escape the planet.

In the end, Dahl, who throughout the movie has been a ball-busting lesbian, asks Riddick to have relations with her.  Wait.  What?

Apparently, the writer(s) of Riddick think the cure for lesbianism is to throw a testosterone fueled man-thug at the lesbian.  Surely she'll see the error of her ways if confronted with enough juvenile come-ons and boorish leering.

The end basically turns Dahl into a mere object of contention between rutting males, to be awarded to the winner.  Man fights, wins, has woman.  What do you mean, she might have her own thoughts and feelings?  

I am disappointed in Vin, in the movie and most especially in Katee Sackhoff for playing such a shallow, stereotyped space bimbo.  

What would Starbuck do?
Back off or I'll kick your @$$!